Who Teaches the Wounded Child to Do Her Shadow Work?

I read psalms 139:23 it says “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

This took me on a whole search of what shadow archetype I may have because that would help me understand why every single message I’ve seen this April told me everything I needed was within me. However I needed to dig deep to reach my light. “How deep?” I questioned.

I decided to take quizzes to see what’s inside of me that needed to be seen. All quizzes led to “The Wounded Child” archetype.

The other day when I asked “What is your inner child saying?” On my notes. I was shocked that my own answer said “grieve.” I said no but I’ve grieved. The answer came again that no I’ve not been grieving. I have only bled on people who were willing to let me bleed on them. However the wound is still much fresh. I’ve not grieved properly. But what am I grieving I asked? Is it tears? I’ve cried them? Is it wailing? I have wailed? There were days all I had for food were my tears.

I sought the wrong relationships so they’d hurt me and I would use that as a means to cry. I didn’t realize this sentence until now that the words just came out as I write.

Who wounded my inner child? Why is my shadow archetype the wounded child? Well with the descriptions they gave the wounded child and what blockages happens when that is manifest in your life. One thing thats sure is total surrender.

I spent the chunk of my time today searching for retreats for women. Faith retreats, maybe at the utterance of someone who can speak to that side I can’t reach I might be able to understand what to do.

What is shadow work? You might ask.

Shadow work is simply the process of exploring the parts of ourselves we’ve buried. Our open wounds, our triggers, our grief, and our unmet needs. It’s the confrontation of our emotional bruises, not to blame, but to bring light. The “shadow” isn’t evil. It’s the scared parts of us waiting to be seen. More like to be sorted out. That’s what I got from reading about this.

Somehow mothers with wounds could pass those grief to their children, and that’s how you get generational patterns. It is more of a bonding through their unhealed wounds known or unknown.

Now I dug further do the religious books support this? Shadow work can be seen as a tool in the journey of sanctification, the process of becoming more godlike.

It means confronting bitterness, unhealed trauma, pride, fear, and brokenness that keeps us from love, joy, and peace the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Every religion calls people to the wholeness of becoming more like God. Healing our wounds can be part of stepping into that.

To the one I have known since awareness, Jesus. Jesus often went into people’s pain and brokenness, the parts they hid. He dined with tax collectors, touched lepers, and invited people to look inward:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye…?” — Matthew 7:3

The name might be different but it is like allowing yourself to be met in the dark. Like a willingness to open that door you’ve shut forever and vowed not to open or talk about. Till one day you forget you locked up a part of you somewhere and you need her now for your next phase yet you don’t know how that will happen. My favorite book to read is the Psalms because they say a lot without saying too much. Psalm 139:12 says

“Even the darkness is not dark to you.”

I don’t think you can do it yourself if you don’t even know when this wounded child happened. They say it is more about surrender and grace than striving to heal by yourself. One thing that has consistently rang in my head is the word community. Maybe that’s why I like Substack because I feel like I belong here. And even if I bleed on these pieces I call letters, I am not casted away like some fool.

All due credit to the owner. I got the image from Pinterest.

What is the wounded archetype? Let me tell you.

They said that, Wounded Child archetype is the version of us that still aches from abandonment, neglect, betrayal, or misunderstanding. She’s not irrational but she has a lot of anger in her. She is just trying to protect herself the only way she knows how. Which is locking it all away and moving on. However the illusion is did she really move? Did she hold space to grieve what happened? Why her father did her that way? Why her mother did her that way? Why the one she loved truly did her that way? Why the world had to take away that one blessing and turn it into shame? Why her friend betrayed her that way? Did she take time to sit and accept that yes it was done but how does she feel truly?

Was it a hurried jazzzzz uppp or a gentle don’t worry take as much time as you need I am here?

Are many of her adult years just her inner child still afraid that no one is coming to help her?

Is she truly free despite the accolades? Why is her heart cold and her silence so empty that she’s scared?

So who teaches the wounded child how to heal?

I don’t know. No one taught us how to grieve the spoilt milk, the unmet needs, and disappointments. No one told us as children that we would be responsible for holding our own hearts and putting on the cello tape on the parts that were ripped out roughly by family, the world, and those we called dearest.

The hard truth I find confusing about all of this is: the child didn’t cause the wound, but the woman now has to heal it before she moves.

The mantras:

“It is all in the mindset. Everything you need to move forward is already inside of you.” Tells me that everything is sacred and it is yours to protect and cherish.

Until I said it out loud to my friend today I didn’t know it. He asked me “What next?”

I said I don’t know I am just moving. I don’t know what I want but with time I hope I find it. I am just at this place where photos of my next phase are developing. It is a process of becoming like the one Toke Makinwa wrote about. The one where I become the adult I needed when I was young.

I’m just trying so much but maybe all my trying is me running away from truly grieving, from telling fear to leave me alone and that I am not afraid that I will fail. Or that I may never win as big as my inner child dreamt, or that truly we are not enough, or that we might not be exceptional as we were and still are told, that maybe we are mediocre. My inner princess screams and says no but I the woman says “shush joor,” what do you even know. I have known pain. I have known hurts and disappointment. What do you know?

And finally she said, “nothing.”

Now both my past self from 10 years ago and the me now are in search of her. So we know what it was we thought possible then. And also know what she needed to hear. Only then perhaps can the journey make sense and that may be the shadow work after all.

If you have more knowledge on this topic I am willing to listen and read. If not I hope it was insightful as it was to me when I researched it.

I drop here.

Till again,

Just Winifred.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate.