What was I called to do in 2024 and what am I called to do in 2025?

Merry Christmas my consistent readers!

I was journaling as usual and I asked myself what was I called to do differently this year? I realized this year, I was called to say yes to many things and say no to a lot of things.

I realized that people will always be people so trust them to move the same way as they usually do. Someone used to toxic situations will always find ways to make even the most simplest relations toxic.

Someone used to driving on the high end of suffering will always find ways to seek those high end thrills of being the sufferer.

Knowing my story and how far I was a synonym of wilt I intentionally had to take steps to break out of the norm. I realized this in May when my SO then lost his mom. I realized this when I heard the death of my friend who died from an abusive marriage. I realized this when Lisa Brown committed suicide this year.

I started the year excited for my new role as an editor, I gave it my best shot, however when the evaluations for the first quarter came in and I saw areas where I thought I gave it my best fall short, I realized the power of perspective. You are your best in your eyes, the perspective and narrative others have of you will vary greatly. You cannot control it. In your eyes you’re the best in the perspective of others they see a girl who is running away from more work, who doesn’t know how to rest, who is defensive, who cannot just do as she is told without asking questions.

I sought my peace. My BP was so high January and February. I even took an overdraft from my boss to help me stay afloat with the choking bills.

I broke my savings in April to get an inverter. I joined Ajo, made bad financial decisions that cost me money, took courses I didn’t utilize, only to excel with self paced courses on coursera. I learned that I am a sufficient learner and can thrive on my own.

This year I wrote freely from my heart and got the most people read my works. I stopped writing in my docs properly to transfer here and just opened Substack to be writing from my heart. It connected more, it resonated more. Now I can see the fine community on my feed.

This year I spoke my mind not in fear but in what I stand for. Women’s right, children’s right, right to women’s bodies, right to good governance, ethical working standards, rest, slow consumerism, the people of Gaza, Congo, Kenya, the women who were killed unjustly by those they once loved, Justice, refusal to be used, anxiety, mental health, uterine issues, leadership, etc. I spoke and I damned the consequences because I will keep talking.

I am not someone who identifies with any “isms,” with my actions and words you just know which side I stand for.

I am loyal to my causes because they connect to my existence.

I am all for “women support women,” still, I know when to sit my ass out when a woman is using that to perpetuate bad behavior.

I was called to realize that many women hate looking at themselves in the mirror. If not tell me why a woman whose life was saved because of abortion rights in one country vividly supports the abolishment of it in another country?

I was called to see that life cannot be black and white. There are shades of blues, grays, and rainbows in every color too. So people will people at the end of the day.

Karma comes fast sometimes and sometimes it never comes.

I was called to say yes to many experiences and I did. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and made many core memories this year. Man problems didn’t bother me much although in October/November and April/March/June/July I wanted to rip my heart out because of how much it hurts to see how useless you are when grief hits you.

Oh Grief, you’re such a wicked bastard and you come for us in the most wicked ways.

You changed me so much this year. I couldn’t put you inside of me, so I spent money trying to run away from you. It worked sometimes but sometimes only silence helped me focus.

You never remain the same after grief. The good thing is it teaches you how to stand on your own. I have never been one to even lean on people. I feel indebted easily and I avoid that feeling.

I am a give and take person but this year I realized many people can never give you 100 of what you can give them in life, and that’s okay. However if they always get used to your 100 and you used to their 35, the day you bring your 35 you become the enemy. I realized that too.

Let’s get into the subsections of it.

1. What keyword defined this past year?

• Consistently evolving while emulating the capybara chill. I will say this year has been a period of significant personal and mental evolution, marked by significant changes and a renewed sense of self-discovery. The keyword will be the “Capybara,” chill. I saw a lot and it is only by my discipline and dedication to not fall that I had the most of this year. I stayed tight with my savings. So even when I lost monies I knew I had a fall back, I was rejected a lot by places I applied to, still it didn’t stop me from traditionally marketing myself and my skills which worked.

• Resilience too is part. I faced numerous challenges this year, and I learned to adapt, overcome obstacles, and weave through it.

• Gratitude: Despite the challenges, I feel like I can’t say thank you enough to everybody I have met this year. Those who are no longer with me, those who are, those who I’ve met briefly and longer. I just have this unending deep deep appreciation for you all, for the blessings in my life, for the lessons learned, for teaching me, from my relationships to my health and the simple joys of everyday living. I am sooooooo grateful it overwhelms me. There’s just so much gratitude inside of me for every experience this year. It feels my heart with satisfaction and love for life to feel this much gratitude for everything.

2. What was your main area of inner growth this past year?

• Self-compassion mehn. I've learned to be kinder to myself, to acknowledge my limitations, and to forgive myself for my mistakes.

• Setting boundaries with things. I've become more assertive in setting healthy boundaries with others, prioritizing my well-being and respecting my own needs.

• loving vulnerability and seeing it as a strength. I've learned to see my vulnerability as my strength, allowing myself to be authentic and open with others.

3. What was the biggest challenge I faced, and how did I move through it?

• [My biggest challenge was knowing what my business stands for]. This challenge presented significant obstacles, causing me to doubt myself and wondering if I was enough on this task—helping intending medical students with their essays. To overcome it, I just forged through and followed my heart. This experience taught me the importance of authenticity in today’s world now more than ever. It should not be just another buzz word. There’s power in storytelling authentically and not copying the next thing or the next trending style. When you tell your story with your voice it shines. With the medical school application essays it worked and that’s how 4 clients got two acceptances each into their choice medical schools this year.

4. In what ways am I being invited to evolve in 2025? If I could choose one word to use as my mantra for next year, what would it be?

• Streamline my life as I embrace new opportunities. I feel drawn to explore new avenues for personal and professional growth, step outside my comfort zone, and thrive. I have taken out apps not for me, low energy vibration things I no de mehn.

• My mantra I feel like is “Don’t panic, just be more intentional,” - These words will remind me to approach each day with purpose and focus my energy on what really matters.

5. What does my deeper and wiser Self (Soul) wants me to know right now?

• It wants me to know that I am more than enough. I have flaws, I am wicked, I am kind, I have anxiety, and I am also smart. All these facets of me are worthy of love, happiness, and success. I embrace all my unique gifts and talents, and shall continue to live authentically.

• I trust my journey. The path may not always be clear, but I trust that I am on the right path. I accept the unknown and have faith in my ability to weave through life's twists and turns.

• Rest and rejuvenate will be important to me. I shall take my time for self-care, prioritize rest and relaxation, and nourish my mind, body, and soul.

Above all I seek a true relationship with my maker, to connect, to thrive, to worship, to surrender, to become one and trust with faith that all my dreams will come through. That each year it doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean another year wasted but it means another year closer to my dreams.

Merry Christmas. 🎄 Thanks for always reading. 🌷