Unfollows makes me antsy.
I am not gonna lie the numbers game sometimes gets to me. You know - the constant flux of follows, unfollows, subscribes, and unsubscribes on social media.
It's like a never-ending rollercoaster of validation and self-doubt.
When I see that someone has unfollowed me, my mind wonders slightly: What did I do wrong? Was it something I posted? Did I offend them somehow? What must they have encountered to make them leave? Did something I say rub them the wrong way? Did I stop being valuable to them?
It's almost as if I'm seeking validation, but I don't even know what I'm seeking validation for.
I write for myself. My presence on the media has evolved to become one of where I am my first audience before anyone else.
However, when I receive a follow or subscribe I feel glad in a way that yeah there are others who can relate to. It makes me believe more that as humans, most of us live similar lives. It pleases me to be that space that brings out the relatability through my words and experiences.
Somehow the numbers then get to me. The clarity or the finality of them incites a feeling.
Unfollows
For the unfollows I tell myself I understand. I mean, I have unfollowed people too, not because I do not like them, sometimes it’s because I’ve outgrown the content. Other times, because their content just doesn’t resonate with me anymore. It’s rarely personal, just a shift in alignment.
I've grown, my interests have shifted, and the need to curate my feed to reflect that makes me unfollow. So, I get it. Unfollows happen.
But there was one day when I got hit with a wave of 10 unfollows and unsubscribes. It bothered me. A lot.
The numerical value and depth of numbers stared me right in the face, making me question the words I put out you know.
And maybe that’s the thing—these numbers hold weight, even when we wish they didn’t. They feel like validation, even when we don’t want them to. It’s a strange contradiction, knowing that our worth isn’t tied to a metric but still feeling the pull of it.
Do the number signify the love that we share and the numbers becoming less means less love to share or less connection made? Or was the impact not all that positive that it rubbed off negatively? Through this I appreciate the beauty of perspective as well, a good thing I believe is good isn’t necessarily good to the next person.
I’m learning to sit with the discomfort this brings on some days. Because tbh on some days I barely notice. But other days when it gets to me I remind myself that resonance is fluid.
People come and people go, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong. It just means I’m growing, shifting, evolving—and so are they.
And isn’t that the point?
As long as I still resonate with someone I saw thank you through my support and social validations like: likes, shares, restocks, comments and all that because I know how uplifting it feels.
And when the numbers game gets to us (because, it probably will lol), I will take deep breaths that remind me that life is more than metrics.
Because this affects me even with my job. A sudden unsubscribe for my client or unfollow just unsettles me and makes me feel like I am not doing a great job lol. But I am so I don’t get tho.
Can’t wait to reach the apex where I truly see, feel, and live life that doesn’t put these numbers in my radar 24/7.
Thanks for listening, fam.
Warmly.
Thanks for reading, 💞 I hope you’re well.
As I finished reading this lovely piece, I recalled unfollowing Chimamanda Adichie on Instagram, a whole "Chimamanda".
Now, why did I unfollow her? That's where the curiosity lies. I simply unfollowed her because she posts once in a blue moon. She rarely posts and i was seeking for ways to reduce my number of "following" . That doesn't mean I don't like her, it doesn't mean I no longer resonate with her works or feminism movement. I just suddenly grew tired of following someone who rarely posts and truth be told if she eventually posts something huge, it'll definitely get to me because she's Chimamanda and news spread.
In all, I'm just trying to say that an unfollow doesn't mean you're not doing a good job, there's just different meaning attached to it.
Numbers have always been a thing for me. At first, a reminder of my failures- so the big numbers scared me.
I often think about the sense of validation from numbers, and in perspective, the people.
Maybe It's not me seeking validation. Maybe I've just become curious, wanting to creep into the mind of the people who follow, unfollow, are interested or uninterested in me and the things that I have to offer.
Maybe my curiosity will bring satisfaction. What I do know is that my curiosity is birthed from the desire to know, and knowing would sometimes come at a cost - leaving with a feeling.