Perspective, Perseverance, Paper

Because someone carries their load well, it doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. I find it very disrespectful to know my story, know where I am coming from, and purposely choose to burden me and make my life

Photo by Max Hermansson on Unsplash

I like to think of myself as a frugal person. Not frugal in the sense that I cannot enjoy life. I am someone who always seeks ways to see how I can get the quality I desire affordably. In a way that’s not illogical or cruel. I always ensure my prices are fair and worth the amount charged. My pricing, although somewhat ridiculous sometimes like the typical Nigerian mother’s own I believe I end up with a fair bargain.

Now, where am I going with this? Look at how tight the economy is, everybody is trying to make do with what they have in their hands. Yet, some people feel it right to burden others with plans that not only exceed my needs but also exceed my wants. I mean it is no news anywhere that I work hard for my every cent and kobo, however, some people think I have no problems. I take care of my health bills, food bills, school bills, etc. You know like every human being should do. I do this with zero help from anybody. I am doing alright for myself at my age and I work while praying for it to be better because I want to be a travel girly and explore Africa. Having this little freedom from jobs that suck my joy made me cherish the beauty of being free. It is so liberating to forget what a toxic boss’s voice sounds like. 

Because someone carries their load well, it doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. I find it very disrespectful to know my story, know where I am coming from, and purposely choose to burden me and make my life harder for me. If you know my story and journey, you are not obligated in any way to cause me strife and pain. I will not allow it. I am trying my best to make my life happy in this economy, do not trouble me please with unnecessary expectations. I got my first full human last year and this year. It isn’t because I couldn’t get them last year but it is a priority to me. I have lists of things I want to do for myself, my mother, and my family. What I prioritize differs from what you might prioritize and that’s fine. 

I value safety and comfort a lot and most of what I do circles around those values because it took me long enough to feel safe even in my own body and be comfortable with it. My darling, your expectation of me wearing 320k human hair is on you, your expectation of me living in Katampe is on you, please. I like where I live in Abuja. It feels homey. When I see the structure and alignment in town, I often can’t wait to get back to my cozy house. 

You as a man with higher potential, and opportunities in life and yet you are giving me small small signs that you are looking for a woman whose shoulders you wish to climb on, God will judge you. Did you not see last-born girls around? You look at me as a first-born daughter with responsibilities and want to add your full-grown man self to it. And you are shameless about it too. I chuckle as I type this because it is not me. I love love but one thing I love more than love is security and safety. They rank top on my list and know I won’t be playing bet with my security and safety. All I am doing this year is building an emergency fund and seeking ways to stay grounded while I participate every day. 

The only potential I build is mine. How I build it is a journey there for all to see and learn or draw motivation from. This is why I am practicing being where my feet are because I have paid for the worries of today in the past and suffered greatly for it. I won’t worry for the future and worry twice when I get there, what if I am not even there to start with?  Being where I am has taught me to consume content that relates to where I am currently and improve my living. I want to have enough to eat, sleep, and live. Do the work I love and create impact in the forms I can. Respect people, love my friends, and meet new people.

I have longed to stop worrying about how anybody sees me but I started to worry about some problems people bring to me. I easily want to tell them, to go for what they can afford, and be within their means, but even I know the beauty of dreaming big. I dream big but my dreaming big is at the expense of myself. If I can afford it once I will afford it. I damn the financial rule that says if you can’t afford it twice don’t buy it. For me living in Nigeria means now that I can afford it once, I better buy it before next month I might not even be able to afford it once. I also invest in myself a lot. I pour into myself so I can grow and adapt as the tides change. 

On everything 

I don’t know if it is a perspective thing but like Mavis Ishanqueen says, to which I agree. If you are a person who;

• doesn't come from the upper-middle-class,

• doesn’t stand to inherit anything substantial or anything at all from their parent(s),

• financially support their siblings, and

• financially support their parents,

It’s a form of financial illiteracy not to mention a fruitless competition to compare yourself to someone who;

• Comes from the middle class,

• Is an only child,

• Has family assets to inherit, and

• Receives financial support from their parent(s).

I also add someone who is a nepotism baby or friends whose family have connections knee-deep in the government and continue to benefit in some way. 

You will be unnecessarily pressured, begging around when your means can afford you a comfortable life on your standard. You will also work twice as hard and make twice as much to live the lifestyle that is their bare minimum. They can afford those things you sweat for easilyyy.

When I told my friend it costs $1850 for a trip to Senegal and The Gambia, the way he shouted “Only” sent me. He can afford that easily. Imagine me comparing life with someone like that when it takes me months to save up not because I cannot afford them but because I am training three siblings and doing a hundred other things at the same time.

These people are also more likely to have more disposable income than you if they are financially smart too. The only way you can measure up financially is if  you;

• start making at least three times what they make if you intend to keep supporting your family,

• make double their income and set up a two-income household, or

• stop supporting your family and start living like an only child too.

If none of those are your current reality you will never catch up financially much less leave them behind. You’ll go around stressing people who are trying to be financially literate with pressure.

I used to be that friend who didn’t mind borrowing to give to a friend in need, but mehn when my own need reached me nobody came to my aid. Now I secure all my urgencies if I can, any spare money I’ve thrown into Ajo, or locked in Optimus because even Piggyvest is not helping now. I break and unbreak and broke away.

You see this financial literacy I will learn it by force because I am done being that girl who sees money and doesn’t grow it or find ways to see it to return with extra change for me. Men won’t even teach you these things that’s why most women who do beauty jobs don’t easily level up despite most making over 15k daily.

On lessons

• Desist from unnecessary pressure and stop fronting what you’re not. 

• Be yourself, even if being yourself comes with conditions try very hard to be yourself.

• Learn about money. Learn money energy.

• Be abundant where you’re at.

• When you get an inflow of funds, don’t go extending your problems. Live in abundance. Whereas you eat one egg, get a crate instead, don’t seek to go and buy a poultry farm just because you think a crate of eggs now is well below you. You’re no idiot please, but if you are I wish you well.

On goals

• Be more financially literate.

• Be fine to be seen as the bad person in people’s stories. After all a thousand good doesn’t merit you being called a good person, all that is needed is one bad, and bam you’re the big bad wolf.

• Be where my feet are.

Concluding note

I sincerely wish everyone from the average parent, with no degree, connections, or rich uncles or aunties—everyone with a truckload of expectations but little to zero help success in life. I hope you make it on your terms and enjoy your money on your terms. I pray you do not struggle so much for long. I hope it gets real good soon for an extended period. I hope you excel and be happy in life. Above all, I hope you are satisfied.

Till next time,

Winifred.