my lover

“I like that you don’t pretend,” my lover said to me.

“Pretend?” I asked.

“Yes, pretend. You’re very matter of fact with your feelings. It helps me know how to love you.” He said.

“If I wasn’t matter of fact, would you not love me? Would it be hard for you to love me?” Being an overthinking woman, it was only normal for me to think the opposite even when he didn’t say that.

He didn’t respond. My lover only moved forward and took me into an enveloping hug, and kissed my forehead. Stop overthinking it my most adorable panda.

“I mean that you take me out of the ordinary and I love it when you tell me all that you think. Lay it down for me and I will listen. I am saying I treat your words like a commandment—like my Bible.”

I melted against my lover.

What he means by not pretending is that i have never hidden the fact that I desired a man. A conservative provider man with an open mind. When he first heard me say that sentence it was like his eyes opened up for the first time. He truly saw me.

My lover said, “your body’s great but your heart, your mind, your eyes, I’ll forever love. You were born to be loved by me.” And loved he did.

“I can fall for you forever. Your quirkiness, your drive, how you fail, how you stand even when the whole world feels like it is orchestrated for you to fall. You stand. I love you so much that the word ‘I love you’ doesn’t measure.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” I asked as he hugged me more into himself.

My lover only smiled and kissed me expressing unspoken words in that one kiss. I love him. My lover is the most wholesome person I’ve met. He is the hero in my story, the saint I adore. My lover is a human whose parents didn’t pass any trauma to. He’s the most untainted person. And me one with a soiled background and rocky upbringing is being adored by this saint.

I fought my lover for long. I fought that anyone could love me and not want 50/50. lol 😂

I fought that anyone could love my mind and not my body.

My lover in turn always said, “I will stay with you, we will make it to the other side as lovers because I am sure as I am sure the sun will shine tomorrow that I won’t give up on you.”

“I saw you and I knew.”

My lover protects, he provides, he sees me as a whole human being. Not a sub human because I am a woman. Not a vessel of cum because I possess a vagina.

Not a toy to be played with because he’s a man.

He doesn’t stress my nervous system with silly games and manipulations.

He’s sureness in loving me makes me only strive to outdo his love for me.

Our only competition is who loves who best each day. He didn’t get comfortable and started these silly games men do when they begin to see you like their homeboy and begin calling you silly names as jokes.

How can someone say “I am satisfied loving you,” and mean it.

Perhaps it is true what my friends say, “your lover is not of this world,” I look at him and exhaled as the happy woman that I am, “yes he is not. He is my god.”

He’s the best gift life gave me in my 30s.

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Inspired by a fantasy book where the woman summoned her lover from 600 years ago and in this world he was a perfect loving brute. 😹