My green bag

I have a green bag I have not used to its full potential. Why? I say it doesn't match with anything I have. Not even slippers, dress, or even a shoe.

And just like the green bag I believe I have not yet used myself to my full potential. Why? Because I do not seem to match fully with just anything.

My green bag for visual capturing

My work experiences feel too basic for the big roles I apply for. Yet people told me to take on these roles as they would build experience for the real world and somehow would apply. However most feedback I've gotten from rejections is, “We moved with someone who has more experience working with US companies in this and that regard.”

Does that mean all I have done is great work for mediocre companies? Was Google, Netflix, Amazon not a mediocre company at some point in time?

Sometimes it is because I do not just fit. Like my green bag, what do I do? Buy a matching slippers in the similar color as my green bag and use them both till they age away? I do love using everything I buy till they're old as I am not much of a consumerist. I only buy if I see the need to. However for my green bag, I bought it because I was convinced it felt good to hold. That's it. Now like me will someone be convinced enough that I have the vibes, feel, energy, and experience, good enough to hold?

Will someone be willing to bet their moneys on me that yes she’s got something even when they don’t know what it is yet? Or even I don’t know what it is that I have yet?

I can’t count how many templates of CVs and Resumes I have used this year and realized my experiences are indeed diverse and many.

Was being a generalist the bane of my existence in the job world?

Even the business I registered last year, vvynletters, I have struggled to define it but to use it to my full potential seems like a futile attempt at using my green bag. And it pains me because I know what visuals I want but I have been so disappointed by the designers I can afford and the ones I like I cannot afford.

In a way I wonder does this also make me mediocre? Is mediocre all that bad?

Perhaps it is because the world indeed seeks excellence. You have to be excellent to even fall at the mediocre roles out there.

I also ponder is this why many Christian’s suffer? The total dependence on the Holy Spirit, and word of God without putting in the works to get that degree, that certification, that advancement that will just be the extra edge you need over many.

The word says a man diligent in his works will stand before kings, it doesn’t say a man who believes or a man who prays the most. Yes grace applies but for the supernatural to happen there has to be the natural for the super to be added to it.

I ponder of that too and ask myself or is it the lack of context or lessons? But I don’t even have context for my green bag, I just knew it felt good to my hands and I liked the interior as well and the wallet it came with. I still use the wallet btw. I have consistently used it since day 1. So in a way like myself have I been consistently using one part of myself and ignoring the whole that applies and now bringing the whole into the picture seems tad bit tough.

Questions, questions, questions, what to do? Nothing really.

Like the fish, Dori in Nemo says, “Just keep swimming,” after all Van Gogh made over 900 artworks and only one went viral.

I am not feeling motivational, I am only observing and openly penning my thoughts as they come.

I am not sure if there’s a lesson here. However, just like my green bag, and myself I shall indeed find ways of applications. I will use my green bag till it is aged properly and myself as well, I shall apply to the living experiences of my person.

That’s lesson enough.

Best,

Win

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Thank you for reading. 💞🎀