Kindness > Niceness and life updates!
Hello there, how are you?
I wrote this newsletter for @aiizack.
It was about my note which said, I’m aiming to be less nice. Not less kind. Not less generous. Just… less nice.
Why? Because niceness as we often perform it, is not the same as kindness. It’s not even the same as goodness.
The Difference
🔹 Niceness is about being agreeable. It often means smoothing things over, people-pleasing, avoiding discomfort, or swallowing our truth for the sake of harmony.
🔹 Kindness is about being honest and thoughtful. It considers the long-term impact. It holds space for discomfort if that’s what growth requires. It doesn't avoid hard conversations, it walks into them with empathy.
🔹 Generosity is about giving from a full cup. It’s intentional, not compulsive. It’s not about giving so others will like you or so you won’t feel guilty. It’s about giving because you want to, because it’s aligned with your values.
Why I’m Letting Go of “Nice”
I’ve learned that being nice at all costs can actually hurt more than it helps:
Saying "yes" when I mean "no" leaves me drained and sometimes resentful.
Avoiding honesty to “keep the peace” often builds silent tension instead.
Being liked by everyone often means being known by no one.
And frankly, when you want deeper connection you leave broader approvals away. I want to live and lead with translucency, not confusion. And that starts with dropping the nice act.
What I’m Choosing Instead
✨ Kindness even when it’s inconvenient. ✨ Generosity with healthy boundaries. ✨ Truth, delivered with love.
I want to be the person who can hold the hard truth and still hold your hand. The person who doesn’t say “yes” to everything, but when I say “yes,” you know I mean it with my whole heart.
And this shift comes from being more direct, choosing peace over politeness, or showing up more honestly, you begin to see it as growth, not coldness. After all, the world doesn’t need more nice people. It needs more kind, brave, generous, and humane ones.
Life Update
I traveled to school without my glasses. Its been three weeks of high discomfort. I've squinted so much I could pass for your grandma.
Doing life solo is fun but for someone like me I am better grounded with my friends. I have no sense of urgency to anything physically. Online I might seem like there's energy overflow but physically I am so chill and slow. Good thing life always pairs me with people who wants things sharp sharp.
I want a PhD or a PsyD definitely not in a Nigerian university maybe but I see my 30s being all about research work, studies, and the academia life. I love academia that works as academia should. I would love to do academia in a system that works as I do in a system that is dancing leg work.
I received two rejections this may and the captions I planned to use and do testimony will be on hold.
I prayed a lot. Prayer is good and fellowship is good.
I improved my chess skills greatly this month.
I'm trying to pivot into something more but it's proving abortive.
I do not have a single love for Terminus. The walking I did around that place pains me.
My feet need a full spa day without interruptions.
I have to end this here because I will start telling you how I managed a strict budget in this place and still suffered. Also I pick a friend each day and pray for them. If you'd like to add to my list you can dm me what you're looking forward to and I can join you to pray for you. I've decided to leave my problems alone this June and just be wholesomely there for my friends through acts of great service and prayers.
With love (and less niceness),
Winifred.
Such a smart womsn 🥹🤭
It's a noble act to pray for a friend, while some of us even forget to perform such obeisance to the supreme being. That's thoughtful of you, Winnie.