I struggle with uncertainty more times than I wish to admit

And I walk myself through it bravely each time.

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“When you are in alignment, inspiration comes easily.”

I do not struggle with inspiration. I could see a picture and be inspired to write a poem. I could hear a story and be inspired on a topic I have been struggling with.

The uncertainty has to do with my alignment. I know I am aligned with words. Writing is one with me. Writing and words make my world whole. I am currently reading “The Calhouns by Nora Robert,” it's been on my shelf for too long. I like to read, I am the author of three self-published works and numerous completed manuscripts.

I've ghostwritten many works but I do not think I align with it because it is the money that inspires me.

Living a life where the motivation for what you do is solely inspired by money is not what I subscribe to.

I do not know why African writers struggle with geometric success or exponential success. I have witnessed many UK and US authors begin on TikTok and sell 37 million copies of books and even get deals in various languages.

A young writer battling with meeting ends meet and the economy keeps frustrating and making things tighter.

There's the need to chase money, there's a need to align with your core. There's a need to sustain the love you've found in this situation.

You really want to waddle so high and not sink with the tides as they come.

For a single girl, you are doing pretty well. For a girl who is a breadwinner, you call on god and everything there is to finish the month triumphantly.

Then there's the poor money decisions that come due to a lack of financial literacy. My godt!!

I crave to not worry and be in alignment with my core—make an impact on lives and live for pretty things.

But alas I am uncertain because I worry that the alignment I have is not fit for the capitalist system.

However, there's a faint hope that somehow there are millions like me who haven't found me yet. And together we can form a community where each of us thrive in our united thoughts, comforting ourselves in our struggles, basking in our positivity, and participating in our triumphs. Giving each person's story a platform to shine authentically unabashed.

There's a dream to brag that I write to 2 million community members from around the world 🌍 answering the questions we may have and basking in our shared wisdom.

There's the need to teach people on how to use writing as a healing tool and show how writing helped me overcome—you know mindful writing.

This uncertainty got worse last week. I wrote about an artist who found fame 30 years after her death. Now shows are held in New York City for her works. It scared me because my friend made a comment that someone would stumble on my files one day and it will become masterpiece but he hopes I am still here then.

I laughed it off but reading Bernice Bing's piece got me introspective.

Of course, we hope for good but I ask myself am I to be blamed for how far I have gone in life?

Did I not take the right leap? What wrong detours did I take? Were they even wrong? Perhaps they are all in the plan and seasons of my life?

“Everything in life has its seasons.”

With this quote I hope. So perhaps it is all in the orchestrations of my seasons.

And uncertainty isn't a bad thing.

Uncertainty triggers our feelings of discomfort and fear, it also opens the door to growth and creativity.

Uncertainty forces us out of our comfort zone. Here I am on a challenge to write every day for one year to see what can come from it. I started yesterday, September 21st, 2024.

I am challenging myself and this teaches me patience and flexibility on my journey. As someone who wants things set in stone, I am further learning the virtue of patience. “It will all make sense soon,”—I say.

It builds emotional strength. I am managing my anxiety and making plans while I cultivate the mindset of trust—that things will work out well. I trust in the greater plan as my emotional resilience builds.

I find little pockets of joy in the mundane. It pleases me to celebrate things that are dimmed not grand.

At the end of the day, this uncertainty takes me to the thought that the outcome will be better than what I initially imagined so I am training my mind to accept the grandness when it comes.

I wish you a pleasant Sunday with you and yours.

See you tomorrow as I share a bit of my thoughts with you and hope it leaves you more hopeful than the previous one.

Like my Pookie would say, “Ta-ta, love.” It means goodbye for now.

Thanks for reading. ♡