How to Stop Thinking: 15 Ridiculously Bizarre Ways to Shut Your Brain Up
I don't know how to record here, I had fun writing this one I laughed and wished it was audio discourse where everyone brings bizarre ideas they can come up with too!
I saw this beautiful babe on TikTok ask, “How can I stop thinking I know I think more than the average person, and I think till I induce my anxiety and stress levels to a high, help! How do I stop thinking?” Many answered her, saying she should try the Ayamagandha stick, but that has so many side effects one can’t go into in a single post.
I do believe thinking is overrated and exhausting. That’s why I try my best to be in spaces where I turn off my brain for a minute these days. All those neurons firing and solving and reflecting… for what? Existential dread? Crippling anxiety? Telling you this stage is too small for you? Etc. The spontaneous memory of that embarrassing thing you did with your ex, or how you messed up that opportunity that ought to have changed your life in 2018?
It is safe to sometimes tell that overthinking brain of yours to shut up. But how? I mean, all the medical journals put meditation and mindfulness at the top of the list, but come on, Chelsea, who has got time for that when the next moment your prepaid meter is making that sound that tells you it is finished and you need to recharge again? How can you meditate when your neighbor plays Akanchawa 24/7? Or the mosque in your backyard is calling for prayers as soon as you close your eyes and chant “inner peace” like the Kung Fu Panda.
No, we definitely cannot do the run-of-the-mill “do some breathwork and find your center” advice. BORING. We’re showing up unhinged, uncensored, and possibly clinically unwell (but in a charming way). Here are 15 utterly ridiculous, absolutely unserious ways to stop thinking before your brain convinces you that everyone secretly hates you because you used a period in your last text.
1. Challenge Your Reflection to a Fistfight
Yes, go to the mirror and square up. Your brain won’t have time to overanalyze your emails if it’s busy throwing hands with its own reflection. Bonus points if you add a dramatic monologue like:
“You thought you were in charge, Brain? Not today.” Throw those hands with all of your might! Allow those silly, intrusive thoughts to come… so you can punch them square in the metaphorical jaw, punch and yell at them back because wtf ahn ahn. Your mates are using their brains to find a cure for cancer, your own don’t want you to even relax, always looking for problems where it did not keep it. Punch it joor.
2. Eat Cereal With a Fork While Wearing a Cape
Nothing screams “I have no thoughts behind these eyes” like eating dry Cheerios with a fork while swishing around in a dramatic cape. Why a fork? Because spoons are for people who have direction. We’re trying to confuse the mind into silence.
Add opera music for ambiance. You are a chaotic god now in charge for 15 minutes to chaotically divert your brain into confusion because why not?
3. Host a TED Talk for Your Plants
Give them a PowerPoint. Make it elaborate. Title it something like:
“Photosynthesis and the Perils of Late-Stage Capitalism.”
Speak with conviction. Wave a stick pointer around. Your brain won’t spiral if it thinks you’re in the middle of a career-defining keynote address for a ficus named Deborah. And a cactus plant named Bernard. Gist with the imaginary and name everything they do, and even give them assignments. Don’t let anyone catch you, oh, lol, you’ll be termed something else.
4. Walk Around Your Home Narrating Your Life in a British Accent
“But soft! What light through yonder microwave breaks?”
Suddenly, you’re not worried about your future—you’re worried about your terrible Cockney dialect and how your cat is judging you. You could try to give a speech like Barack Obama, Tinubu, or Trump himself. Just pretend you're the main character in a BBC miniseries called The Thoughts Must Be Silenced.
5. Write a Strongly Worded Letter to Your Brain
Use your finest stationery. Begin with, “Dear Overactive Cerebral Cortex,” and proceed to give your brain a piece of your mind. Let it know that the 2 a.m. replays of mid-life embarrassments are officially banned. Mail it to nowhere. Or to Canada. They’ll understand.
6. Create a Sock Puppet Soap Opera
Gather mismatched socks. Name them things like Veronica Von Sock and Chad Threadsworth. Make them fall in love. Make them scream. Make one betray the other over a laundry basket embezzlement scandal. You’ll be too busy playing sock god to remember that you forgot to reply to a work email three days ago.
7. Get a Fake MBA From the University of Made-Up Decisions
Print a diploma that says:
“Master of Blocking Thoughts & Unclogging Emotional Toilets”
Hang it up. Refer to it. Make a graduation speech. Cry. Thank the Academy. Thank yourself. Then shout:
“I didn’t come this far to spiral now!”
And slam a juice box like it’s champagne. Have chutzpah as you do all of these in delulu land.
8. Assign Each Intrusive Thought a Persona and Fire Them
Create an HR department in your brain. Give each worry a ridiculous job title:
“Chief Officer of Late Night Regret”
“Director of Imaginary Scenarios That Will Never Happen”
“VP of Awkward Small Talk Replays”
Then fire them. Hold exit interviews. Use phrases like “moving in a different direction.” Watch them storm out with cardboard boxes full of imaginary stress.
9. Reorganize Your Fridge by Vibe
Not by food groups. No. Put things where they feel right. Pickles next to the almond milk because they're both salty and confused. Grapes next to the mustard because they’re chaotic good. Tofu in the egg zone for drama.
This will give your brain the full Enya treatment. It’ll be too weird out to worry. You could organzie your wardrobe by colors and vibes too but that could be too complicated.
10. Try to Win an Argument With Your Toaster
Blame it for your burnt toast. Ask it if it knows what it did. Demand accountability. Your toaster may be silent, but your rage will be loud, and your brain will be empty.
You’ve now entered Level 7: Appliance Therapy. Lmao!
11. Play Hide and Seek With Your Thoughts
Except you never go seeking. Tell your anxiety to count to 100 and run. Just run. Hide in a blanket burrito and pretend you’ve disappeared. Bonus points if you whisper, “You can’t overthink if you’re invisible.”
12. Invent a Dance Move Called “The Thought Blocker”
It’s just flailing. You jump and wave your arms, and scream “NOPE!” every time a stressful thought enters your head. If done correctly, you’ll either enter a state of pure joy or confuse your brain into a reboot. Either way, no thinking happens.
13. Call a Friend and Say “Quick! Distract Me!” Then Hang Up Immediately
This is a risky maneuver, but it works. They’ll text you confused, possibly alarmed. You’ll now be distracted by the distraction you caused to get distracted. Thought loop: disrupted.
Bonus: you’ve jump-started a chaotic new friendship dynamic.
14. Rename All Your Apps to Confuse Your Brain
Change “Instagram” to “Slaysss.”
Change “Mail” to “Revenue Avenue.”
Change “Notes” to “Scribbles of Einstein Junior.” Because you are absolutely terrific and deserve absolute sunshine in this chaotic digital life. Every time you open them, you’ll either laugh or reconsider your choices. Either way, you won’t be thinking about your deadline dreadfully anymore. You can change WhatsApp to “Lady Whistledown Center.”
15. Adopt a Philosophy That Nothing Is Real
Nothing. Not deadlines. Not the economy. Not your fear of confrontation. Just you, a bag of cheese puffs, and the comforting idea that we might all be in a simulation hosted by an alien teenager doing a high school science project with human beings and laughing at those who struggle.
Lean into the absurdity. Hug a tree and whisper, “I know you’re just code. We are all codes in this alien project assignments.”
You may have read this looking for peace. What you found was a battle cry against mental chaos through the lens of absolute nonsense. But that’s the thing about overthinking, it’s loud, dramatic, and always looking for a stage. So instead of silencing it politely, we give it a show so ridiculous that it wanders off in confusion. You don’t always have to be mindful. Sometimes, you just have to eat cereal with a fork and pretend you’re a villain in a soap opera written by hostel rats–vicious beings.
So the next time your brain decides to rehearse every awkward moment you’ve ever had, shout into the void:
“Not today, cerebrum. Not today. You will keep quiet, or I will quiet you!” Then hop off the chair and start moonwalking in a way that would make Michael Jackson shake his boots.
Thanks for reading, hope one part made you chuckle.
The drink a cereal with a fork got me hollering 😂😂😂😂
Drinking cereal with a cup 😂😂😂😂
I love this Winifred 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 well done