How to heal from a situationship

If you fall in love in a situationship you can heal. If you formed attachments you can heal. If it is chemistry, know that there’s greater chemistry out there.

Found on Pinterest.

Hello hi,

I am not acting as a therapist. I am just a girl sharing experience on this topic that is not often talked about and has caused many girls to need “healing.”

I am rolling my eyes at the word healing because mehnnn the healing we need is sitting together at a round bonfire camp as we vent and pour our hearts out and give ourselves collective hugs for surviving the manipulations of some men as we chant healing hymns that soothe our inner hurt princesses.

What is a Situationship

A situationship is a romantic relationship that lacks clear boundaries, labels, or commitment. It's a relationship that is not quite a friendship, but not quite a romance either.

Situationships often involve:

• Emotional intimacy without clear expectations

• Physical connection without commitment

• Regular communication without labels

• Mixed signals or unclear intentions

• No clear direction or future plans

• A sense of limbo or uncertainty

Situationships can be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally draining if you are one who wants a relationship or long term commitment. They can leave one or both parties feeling uncertain, insecure, or stuck.

Some common signs of a situationship include:

• "We're just hanging out" or "we're just talking"

• No clear labels or definitions

• Inconsistent communication or hot-and-cold behavior

• No long-term plans or future discussions

• Feeling uncertain or insecure about the relationship

• They see other people too because they do not owe you commitment

Situationships arise from various circumstances. The person could have fear of commitments, just be emotionally unavailable for you or it is just sex and chemistry. It could unaligned goals and sometimes they’re not just for you.

Healing from a situationship

Healing from a situationship can be a challenging emotional process, especially when you find out you were not even his type in the first place. But better that than a man who marries you and have kids with you and years down the line you discover he is still hung on his ex. That his ex was his soulmate and all that. God forbid.

Healing can happen with grace and inshallah... here’s my way of doing it.

1. Own your feelings and write out why you like them

You established you like this person cool. You love them cool. What do you like about them? List it out. Me I have always loved a man who holds his own. A man that has means, when I see you love the good life it attracts me. So when I get into it and you start complaining of money 24/7 or money issues my likeness has dropped to like 70%.

I read a study that said women love men 100% and it starts dropping down with time based on what the man do or does in the relationship. I am not a masochist neither am I long-suffering so I do not fancy a love that doesn’t like me back for long but I hold my own. Plus I forget most memories fast due to mental health problems so I could go through the most terrible pains and emotions and next year just forget them like puff.

Be the emotion good or bad and that’s why I write to go back and feel what I felt then because I can forget. And this makes me hold on tight when the emotion is strong for me.

So acknowledge all the emotions you're experiencing, whether it's sadness, anger, or confusion. Write down answers to this question, “Why do I even like this person?”

Answer it honestly and if you write any of these know that he is a dusty.

• He listens.

• He’s kind.

• He smiles so well.

• I like his nails.

Lmao. Stop abeg.

• He kisses so well. Okay… yes sis!

• He gives me orgasms. —well this is tricky because studies prove that when a woman likes a man the sex is often better so that is biased. And you might be the one working for your orgasms all this while. You make him cum and you make yourself cum too. Too much work.

• He buys me flowers! —Valid valid. I had one boy pay my favorite shawarma vendor to bring shawarma for me anytime. It is the little things…

Whatever be the reasons write them down and see what you are liking.

2. Accept reality and write out list of things you don’t like about them

Understand that you are in a situationship. There’s no book you will read that might make a man suddenly realized he has struck gold by meeting you. So decide if you will stay and ride it and go for longer therapy later or jump off the ship now that your heart is doing acrobatics for them. This is not going to become a committed relationship. Acceptance is key to moving forward.

On that list write things you don’t like physically and emotionally. My lists here is usually so long. So that anytime I am looking at them with rose colored glasses I can see the flaws I’ve already highlighted in us.

Make the list about the relationship too and how you are not compatible as partners.

• He has long thin legs.

• He chews with his mouth open and loudly.

• She snores as she sleeps.

• He doesn’t clean dishes.

• He is always complaining of money.

• Behaves like aje.

• Behaves like bandit

• Snapscore is 1 million.

Could be various things and I am using “he” because my experience has to do with the male gender. You can flip the scenario as it applies to you.

Disclaimer: the intent is not to bodyshame anyone.

The intent is to jack you back from delulu land you are going to, so you know you’re not perfect and the person you’re liking isn’t too before you build sandcastles in your head.

And honestly sometimes we know this but we still forge ahead until our eyes clear. Then you begin to say oh I didn’t like his pot belly self, he chewed out loud and all that.

3. Practice self-care

Loving the wrong person can take you from hundred to zero real quick.

I am a living testimony. Can’t believe I am writing this but thank god my first showed me all the manipulations there is for a man to show a woman.

He was the examination I wrote before the homework. Now, any wahala I have seen after him felt homework. Luckily there‘s not much homework, I just see signs and leave you there with yourself.

Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness, and prioritize rest. Join a club, do activities that make you feel alive and in charge.

Yes economy is bad but there’s some cool things you could do especially if you’re in Abuja. Touch grass and let the sun touch you.

4. Set boundaries

Establish boundaries to protect yourself from further emotional harm. Limit contact with the other person or take a break if needed.

If they reach out lol pray 😂😂 because it can be hard if they have that pull on you. But one thing is don’t take anything seriously. Your life is already a joke at this point in the situationship.

I always say “my grandmother the owner of orange orchards will be ashamed that a man is playing me for an idiot. She has always been the soft life baby. I am a soft life baby nobody will take me into suffering for love.”

Once I say this I just accept and bill them one kind billing that will make them leave me alone for good. One thing you can trust situationship men to do is to never pour into you. The only thing they are willing to pour into you is their cum and emotional trauma.

Also babyyy do you know there’s a sweet man out there who can love you so much? That thought alone should make you excited. But I understand if it doesn’t so I am sending you hugs.

5. Seek support

Sometimes support works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes our friends, family, or therapist might just want you to do what is best—which is leaving them but you can’t till you see all the shege to 100.

Just have support still. Find likeminded sisters who understand. I am pro-move on so I might not provide good support.

Journal if you must. You may process your feelings and see that you might actually be the problem too.

I listen to Sprinkle Sprinkle and Sanni Lark and these women keep me standing on business on my ten toes. If I am wrong I apologize and if I am blamed for wickedness that isn’t mine I accept it one hundred.

6. Reflect and learn

I am a big pattern identifier. Identify any patterns or red flags in the situationship and trust people to be people. These patterns repeat themselves and until you learn you’ll be getting the same person in different bodies. So please open your eyes for the love of Mary and stop being so helpless and weak.

Look that dusty in the eye and say I see you and dodge it before it hits you.

7. Stay grounded or not

Stay grounded like avoid relationships and what not. That’s not for me tho. I am only single if I decide to be and I have decided I don’t want to be in any way.

I like love and I like my 6’2 man. I am always excited for love so I date mehnnn. I go on dates, I eat lobsters, I do find dining, home date, park date, play date, garden date, movie date, solo dates, all dates. I love solo dates a lot. But I love dates with my man too. That’s how I stay grounded. I want to be seeing my man every two weeks. At least once a month. Receive soulful hugs and just be a baby.

But if you can’t date and still want to ride the situationship wave be a baby and keep it clean. Don’t go doing wifey duties abeg.

Put your energy into personal development, hobbies, and interests. Go back to school. Do NOUN or something get a degree. It is a very hard thing to do but do it.

8. Don’t be fixated on healing

The moment I said nothing is wrong with me I had peace. After diagnosed with being on Autistic spectrum, ADHD, and severe depression like three years back and doing therapy for two years. In 2023 I just chose peace and got fatter.

I am aware that these are the issues I face. But please life is much more than a diagnosis. Same with my uterus problem. I actively seek solutions and once it seems they are taking me around the block and sucking money I just bow out honorably.

I even see the good in my predicaments. I forget things so I can tell you I forgot and it’ll be true that I forgot you and the experience I had with you.

My uterus well I don’t want children now or near so I am cool. If I want one I have a process for it and my partner just needs to be in sync and we would have it.

Life is much much more and I see it daily on TikTok—my therapy app. I learn so much there. I breathe well there same as on Substack because I built my for you page brick by brick.

My therapy apps are:

• TikTok

• Substack

• Pinterest

That’s it.

I use Snapchat, Whatsapp and IG for friends and work. And I go to threads because IG makes me go there sometimes.

Find your healing apps and thrive there it could be X or Facebook.

Just plan life to actually live it and take as much memories as you can.

Healing comes when you are living intentionally each day.

Be kind with yourself and please be smart. Don’t be a long sufferer for love, religion, society, or any bloody thing. They don’t want you fineeee let them be please. Have the audacity to demand enough from life and demand a wholesome love while you’re at it.

It is a journey so be brave with the choices you’ve made to put you there. Only then would you get out of the fix and actually do better.

I hope this was helpful I deviated a lot of times and I have to go charge my phone now. I saw over three frustrations posts about situationships and love hurting pretty girlies and I decided to write on the whim.

I can share the studies mentioned in the comment if anyone needs them.

On that note know that you’re so pretty and powerful to be at the mercies of a love gone wrong.

With Love,

Win.