Envy

I have a friend who told me his core motivator is envy. Once he envies it, he asks himself, “How can get in that mind space to attain that?”

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

Hi hi, quick one!

For a while, I’ve grappled with the negative connotations ascribed to some emotions. Especially the emotions faced by “Women.” However, in my relationship with my male friends, I have seen firsthand the competitiveness of the masculine. Disclaimer–I am using the male and female words to better explain this and I mean no disrespect to the existing identities. Love. 

I have a friend who told me his core motivator is envy. Once he envies it, he asks himself, “How can get in that mind space to attain that?”

I think it is the same for a woman’s anger. Our anger and emotions are often given negative meanings and we feel like feeling them is akin to sin. There’s a current wave of the “feminine energy,” clubs. Soft women mantra and soft girl life mantra but boyyy I want to ride a Range Rover in the deserts of Egypt and feel the wind in my hair. 

I have gotten a lot done when I operated from the masculine energy. I don’t know but things happen, they work when I use my voice and command what I need to happen. Bring my foresight and check details intricately as the feminine does. Most times the helplessness I feel from the feminine makes me so uncomfortable being frail, having one emotional breakdown or the other. 

Envy just like anger is a complex emotion. Its impact varies depending on how you channel it. Its negatives can lead to resentment, bitterness, and dissatisfaction with one’s own life. It can bring about competition and comparison, rather than self-improvement and personal growth.

I see envy as an “I’m there you’re not, so hurry and come and be here with me as well.”

Same time, I recognize that it is not all about where the other is. It is more of what they can do and the capacity they have. With that same capacity, I shall apply it to things in line with my journey and core of life.

Excessive envy can consume mental energy, causing you stress and anxiety. 

But on the positive because my male friends dangle such sweet sweet achievements in front of me and go ahead to tell me, “Do it!” They challenge me each time and it makes me want to cry but at the same time cherish that they believe I can do it as well. 

Access plays a huge role in the things women and men can particularly get in this country (Nigeria) but somehow I believe we women don’t dare enough. I’ve done many good projects to be proud of but self-doubt creeps and I downplay myself. 

My friend–Simeon tells me that envy can be a positive motivator. You can be inspired to work harder toward your goal. Your goal can change and become even bigger. Like there’s a vision you begin to see you can’t unsee it. It can help you identify areas you need for improvement and develop new skills. My Peri baby said, “Winnie na SMM I wan use build house for this country?” This was after we saw Uzezzi hit $60k on Upwork. We watched Uzezzi move from content writing to mastering Asana and offering just that as a specialist. 

It also brings to focus the battle between specializing and generalizing. In a post I saw Salem King share, he said, “Specialize in public but carry on other things as you move.” Envy can make you celebrate as you confront the limits you’ve placed on yourself—the same with anger. Mad anger can push you to some good things, the same way it can be very destructive. The grace to channel both positively is what many lack because many people don’t have good hearts. 

Currently, I am envious of those who are financially independent—those who have achieved freedom from the rat race. Those who have wealth in access, have access to change. I am envious of those who can afford to renovate their apartments. I want new aesthetics to my living space badly. My home no matter where I am should scream comfort, curated, class and currently, it is meh for me. 

I am envious of those with assets in properties across this country. I am envious of the people pulling $7000 monthly and more. I lack the money to pay for courses that can allow me to access those realms I want to operate in and that is a limitation in itself. Money begets more money. 

All of this has caused me to stare at my Upwork profile again because if I could pull $15k by natural gift what about taught skills? It is easier to go $1 to $100 but accelerating from $15k to $100k needs some kind of mad audacity, mindset shift, and grace to challenge yourself to do things differently. I know it is in me somewhere I just need to reach inside and drag it out and doggedly focus. 

I am inspired like mad. I am. Things barely excite me but I am so excited. I can taste it on my lips. I want to burst with energy like a scream.

Ahh life is good and there’s Heaven here on Earth if you reach high enough. 

Till next time, stay jiggy,

Winnie.