Babe
Plus I am a grown woman with full rights to do whatever the fuck I want within my legal rights. Why do you think I need to be permitted by you to live?
The interesting part of growth is that people are more stuck in your past than you are. And it is fascinating to see them try to minimize your growth because they stopped growing. You might find yourself reintroducing yourself more times than necessary. Normally, I am humble because why not? It is not in me to stress myself with pride because I have seen rich people and children from generational wealth. The last thing these people from the generational wealth that can buy my whole family do is be pompous. I believe the riches that come with pomposity are mostly from these ‘open eye’ dubious means and the like.
But you see true wealth, old money wealth, they are so simple, they don’t bother about what most of us think about them going to the mall in their 250 dollar slippers and 400 dollar shirts from brands whose names I don’t know. Well, I don’t know them because they are above my pay grade, to be honest.
The thing I’ve learned from them is the zero fucks they give for what people think of them. So it doesn’t matter if your friends keep asking what you do; they are stuck in your past. Most are insecure seeing how busy you are trying to do what you must do to get by and make an impact, and they feel flustered. For me, it shows up at weird angles.
“Is it the virtual assistant thingy you do that has taken you here?”
“You sure say na only writing you de do so?” me: Nope, that thing you de think na am gangan.
“What is gender equality self?” me: Google might help.
“Why should I care about it?” me: not sure I asked if you should.
“Na tour, you go do na?” me: yes oh
“Na japa, you wan japa?” me: yes oh
“It is your online work that took you there.” me: yes oh.
“You’re posting too much.” me: yes oh.
“You’ve been doing too much tbh I don’t know if anyone has told you.” me: yes oh.
And it goes on and on. It’s not my problem, and it amuses me the way people get stuck on a narrative they have about you. I cackle amusedly when I hear them. People’s insecurities are loud, so loud, we are just deaf to it.
Plus I am a grown woman with full rights to do whatever the fuck I want within my legal rights. Why do you think I need to be permitted by you to live? To cower? To be what you are comfortable with so you could digest me easily?
I am not these women who can’t stand up for themselves and get to age thirty still bending a knee to patriarchy and being religious without forming a connection to know God personally. I am not one to suffer that kind of suppression for long. I have enough mental freedom to decide while I bask in the knowledge of discovering that there are numerous sides to the human experience. We are not definite, and boxing yourself is limiting what is possible.
There’s absolutely nothing surprising with where I have grown to now because I have always seen myself in a good light. Most of what I want is yet to happen but they will. You see anger at people’s opinion of me? Never. Highest, I am amused and I laugh so much. I’ve seen too much pain to borrow pain and add abeg.
I see the best version of me every day and that has become my will to live. The hope that the best version of me exists and I have defined who she is already. So now I am just moving like someone who sees every day as a day closer to that exceedingly thriving woman, who is loved, blessed, and enjoys what she does, travels the world, sees cultures, makes impact, and sits in a room breathing the same air as people with generational wealth as I build mine, amen.
A woman with a fat ass, a gorgeous body, with no reproductive issues, in excellent health and grace. Alleluia!
I read a post mommy Gracie shared one day and it said; One million is easy, aim for one billion, that’s where the true freedom and work is at. Wo, I might or might not aim for that, the goal is just to be happy with myself and celebrate all the versions of me that show forth. I won’t be on my deathbed thinking I lived some unfulfilled and unhappy life. Happiness isn’t the absence of pain, fear, sadness, or grief. Happiness, for me, is just a mindset to look forward to something despite the presence of those other emotions. I hope we all define our success, happiness, and growth on our terms so this way we recognize our insecurities when we try to project.
With the best love,
Winifred.